Sunday, February 19, 2012

Jay Clifton Fernandes - Obituary Cocktail

Oh Yea, all those of the Grande and Secret Order of the Obituary Cocktail, whether in New Orleans or worldwide, please raise your glasses with me in honor of the late departed Jay Clifton Fernandes.  Yes, that’s spelled with an S.   Jay preferred vino tinto

I first met Jay at my husband, Gerry’s, 50th birthday party, back in 1999.  I wanted it to be a surprise birthday party and so, to keep my control freak husband completely in the dark, we simply organized a Women’s Club Fundraiser Event - and that’s where he thought he was going!  In fact, it really was a Women’s Club Fundraiser because I asked that, in lieu of gifts, birthday party guests give a donation to the Women’s Club, to help fund scholarships for impoverished Costa Rican kids and supplies for schools in dire need of repair.  And so, on the big night, Gerry had to be dragged by the short hairs to the event, but, in the end, he went, and he had the biggest surprise of his life.

 And that was when I met Jay, chortling with glee as the whole episode unfolded.  Since then, I got to know Jay much better, but almost always in his loving, supporting role to Grace. 

During the years that I served on the Board with Grace and many other women, we all constantly relied on our partners to help us with some task or another.  Some husbands needed to be cajoled, pleaded with or even bullied into it, but not Jay.  He always willingly helped Grace and the rest of us achieve our goals, always with good humor, and always with an unmatched level of commitment, which the rest of us really appreciated.  The only thing that Grace could not get him to do, was to dress up in a grass skirt and coconut breasts, and dance the hula at our Polynesian Fundraiser after Hurricane Mitch.  But that’s okay, Jay, we understood that one.  Other husbands, who will remain nameless, did enjoy dressing up – and we raised a lot of funds that day for victims of that dreadful storm.

One of Jay’s very important roles at fundraising events was that of official, and unofficial, bartender.  You see Jay had a very quick wit and was extremely well-read on all sorts of subjects, both local and international.  So, if one of our busy members showed up at a fundraiser with an unhappy husband, hauled there by his wife, Jay would immediately pop over and offer the guy a drink and, pretty soon, we would see that they were talking like old friends, completely occupied, which would allow his wife to deal with other tasks. 
Jay was naturally gregarious and seemed to genuinely enjoy talking to new people, which in his world at Women’s Club, was a very common event, as Grace was always busy; she was always called when you wanted  something really important done. 
And he did so much more, also, over the years: table carrier, book hauler, set-designer assistant, ticket collector – graciously, without complaint and with open-hearted good will, knowing that all the proceeds were destined for the needy – scholarships enabling students to stay in school, books for school libraries, school supplies, and many other important community needs.

It was very clear to me, and to all of us, from the very beginning of getting to know Jay, that he clearly relished Grace’s busy lifestyle and particularly her work with Women’s Club.  He was always supportive in so many large and small ways, and I know that everybody from Women’s Club joins me in saying a big Thank You to Jay for giving so much over the years, but most importantly, for giving his unconditional support and love to Grace.  You know Grace, Jay was your biggest fan; he was the wind beneath your wings.  He was always there with you Grace, a glimmer of love in his eyes.  Now you carry him in your heart.

And Jay shall always be remembered by all of us as an avid and much cherished supporter of Women’s Club.  There are so many needs in this country and Jay understood that, underlying all of the fun times, we were there collecting resources to give back to Costa Rica, which we have made our home.  He would have wanted, without any doubt, that, in lieu of flowers and gifts, donations be made to the Women’s Club of Costa Rica in his name.

Memorial gifts may be made to The Women’s Club of Costa Rica for their educational programs:  www.wccr.org or president@wccr.org


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